Dealing with Hurt and Pain God’s Way
It’s a fact of life that people will hurt us. The only way to avoid that is to live in complete isolation and not have relationships with anyone. Of course, that just creates a different kind of pain. So, assuming we don’t want to take that path, what’s the best way to respond to the people who hurt us? We could try to hurt them back so that they get a taste of the pain they have caused in the hope that they will act differently next time. Or we could cut them off and have nothing more to do with them.
But there is another way. As part of a passage dealing with those who deliberately caused harm to others within the Church, Jesus told this very simple story. “If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off” (Matthew 18:12–13). On the surface, this is a simple story about a lost sheep and a seeking shepherd. In Judaea, it was very easy for sheep to go missing. The terrain was rough. There were no fences. Pasture was sparse. Sheep would wander, looking for grass, and it was easy for them to get trapped in a gully or on a ledge, unable to get up or down, where they could starve to death. But beneath the surface, it is a lesson about the love of God and his response to those who have hurt him by turning their backs and walking away. It sets a context that shapes our own responses to those who have hurt us.
Let me say five things about God’s love. First, the love of God is an individual love. All sheep look the same to me. If I see a hundred sheep in a field, I can’t tell them apart. And even if I counted them carefully and worked out that one was missing, I wouldn’t have the faintest idea which one it was. This shepherd could. He knew that one sheep that belonged with him was missing. He knew which one it was. And he wouldn’t rest until he’d found it and brought it home. That’s how God responds to those who hurt him. He doesn’t write anyone off as an acceptable loss but deals directly and personally with each individual, seeking to restore the relationship.
Second, the love of God is a patient love. Sheep are not the brightest of animals. The lost sheep in this parable had no one to blame but itself for getting lost. We may not have much patience with foolish people who are constantly getting themselves into trouble. “It’s their own fault.” “They brought it on themselves.” God’s not like that. The lost sheep might have been foolish, but the shepherd still risked his life to save it. We may be foolish, but God still loves us, even if we have no one but ourselves to blame for our sin.
Third, the love of God is a searching love. The shepherd was not content to wait for this missing sheep to find its way back. He proactively searched for it. Jesus is God, come into this world, for that express purpose. He said, “…the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost” (Luke 19:10). God is not, and will never be, content to wait for us to find our way home. He goes out and searches for us no matter what the personal cost.
Fourth, the love of God is a rejoicing love. When the lost sheep was found, there was only joy. There were no recriminations. There was no receiving back grudgingly, or with anger, or with contempt, or with a sense of superiority, or with strings attached. There was only joy. The human way is to never forget the past and to always hold people’s sins against them. Not so with God.
And finally, the love of God is a protecting love. It’s a love that wants to protect us from harm, despite the harm we may have caused. It is a love that desires what is best for us, and our ultimate good is a restored relationship with him.
This is how God is deals with those who have caused him hurt and pain. This is an approach that can soften the hardest of hearts. This is a model that we would do well to follow.
Neil Percival
Young District Anglican Ministry
But there is another way. As part of a passage dealing with those who deliberately caused harm to others within the Church, Jesus told this very simple story. “If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off” (Matthew 18:12–13). On the surface, this is a simple story about a lost sheep and a seeking shepherd. In Judaea, it was very easy for sheep to go missing. The terrain was rough. There were no fences. Pasture was sparse. Sheep would wander, looking for grass, and it was easy for them to get trapped in a gully or on a ledge, unable to get up or down, where they could starve to death. But beneath the surface, it is a lesson about the love of God and his response to those who have hurt him by turning their backs and walking away. It sets a context that shapes our own responses to those who have hurt us.
Let me say five things about God’s love. First, the love of God is an individual love. All sheep look the same to me. If I see a hundred sheep in a field, I can’t tell them apart. And even if I counted them carefully and worked out that one was missing, I wouldn’t have the faintest idea which one it was. This shepherd could. He knew that one sheep that belonged with him was missing. He knew which one it was. And he wouldn’t rest until he’d found it and brought it home. That’s how God responds to those who hurt him. He doesn’t write anyone off as an acceptable loss but deals directly and personally with each individual, seeking to restore the relationship.
Second, the love of God is a patient love. Sheep are not the brightest of animals. The lost sheep in this parable had no one to blame but itself for getting lost. We may not have much patience with foolish people who are constantly getting themselves into trouble. “It’s their own fault.” “They brought it on themselves.” God’s not like that. The lost sheep might have been foolish, but the shepherd still risked his life to save it. We may be foolish, but God still loves us, even if we have no one but ourselves to blame for our sin.
Third, the love of God is a searching love. The shepherd was not content to wait for this missing sheep to find its way back. He proactively searched for it. Jesus is God, come into this world, for that express purpose. He said, “…the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost” (Luke 19:10). God is not, and will never be, content to wait for us to find our way home. He goes out and searches for us no matter what the personal cost.
Fourth, the love of God is a rejoicing love. When the lost sheep was found, there was only joy. There were no recriminations. There was no receiving back grudgingly, or with anger, or with contempt, or with a sense of superiority, or with strings attached. There was only joy. The human way is to never forget the past and to always hold people’s sins against them. Not so with God.
And finally, the love of God is a protecting love. It’s a love that wants to protect us from harm, despite the harm we may have caused. It is a love that desires what is best for us, and our ultimate good is a restored relationship with him.
This is how God is deals with those who have caused him hurt and pain. This is an approach that can soften the hardest of hearts. This is a model that we would do well to follow.
Neil Percival
Young District Anglican Ministry